9 Reasons The Day After My Breakup Was a Good Day

In November last year I went to Costa Rica to see a guy I'd been dating for three months long distance. Everything had seemed so perfect--I'd met him at an all-inclusive resort while vacationing there a few years back, and we'd reconnected in the summer of 2017, and were having a blast texting, voice messaging, and talking on the phone. Armando started swearing his undying love to me by the end of September, and I booked a trip for my Thanksgiving break to go see him.

Okay, so you know from the title of this post what happened. When I arrived, he was completely the opposite of how he was when I met him. He acted super awkward, seemed distracted and shy, and to be honest, very bored with me. When we went to lunch, he was listless and unsmiling, had zero input into any conversations I tried to start, and mostly played on his phone at the table. That afternoon his only "plans" for us (after having suggested umpteen jillion wonderful sightseeing trips and activities to me while I was booking my flight and hotel a few weeks earlier) was to go back to my hotel room and watch a movie on TV.

I was pretty sure he'd met someone else between the time I booked my trip and before I arrived. In any case, there had been a major loss of interest on his side, and a major feeling of stupidity and vanity on mine.

I felt disappointed and sad, but most of all, embarrassed. I knew I had walked into this of my own accord and that I hadn't used my better judgment. I told him the relationship just wasn't going to work out, and he agreed and left.

I had one more day in the little beach town I was staying in, and going to bed that night, I dreaded it. I was alone, had no specific plans or things to do, and honestly didn't want to spend one more dime on sightseeing or entertainment, paying for my humiliating dating debacle.

So I coached myself before I went to sleep: Ok, Kerra, all your friends are waiting to see pics and hear how it's going in Costa Rica with Armando. Tomorrow, your only job is to make it look like you're having a good time here on social media so they don't worry.

So that is what I did. I got up the next morning, dressed in comfy clothes, a cap, and a small backpack, and went in search of photo ops. The beach was literally right across the street from my hotel, something I hadn't noticed the day before for some reason. The only money I spent that day was on lunch, and came back to my hotel that night loaded up with cool images of the sand, the palms, the colorful shops, cabanas, tropical flowers, my delicious lunch, me smiling and looking as though my heart was completely fine.

By the time I settled down for bed that night, my heart was fine, and I had to admit that I had truly, miraculously, enjoyed myself. So I wrote down this list on the back of my travel itinerary printout:

Why Today Was a Good Day

1. I gave myself an attainable goal, one that got me up and moving.
2. I didn't try to "perfect" my appearance, or my day, or my life.
3. I accepted myself with my flaws. I was humble.
4. I was open and loving to the people I came across.
5. I lived in the moment and embraced life as it came. I was in a state of surrender.
6. There was balance between what I planned to do (my goals for the day) and just enjoying the moment.
7. I trusted God. I had no other friend or fallback.
8. I did artistic, creative activities...searching for beauty and photographing it, making short videos, writing good social media posts.
9. I ate good, healthy food--the vegetable paella-type dish for lunch and a huge bowl of raw veggies and nuts for dinner.

By the time I boarded my flight home the next morning, though I still had some remaining vestiges of feeling like a fool, overall I was basically at peace and in a state of self-compassion.

Life certainly does not have to be perfect in order to be good. And we all make mistakes, and hopefully learn from them. By those mistakes, we grow stronger and wiser every day. :)